It was always the three us, John, Eddie and me. We were inseparable. Eddie and I grew up together, sharing our few toys, learning to crawl in each other’s kitchens. John took over as the head of the family after Dad died 5 years ago. He taught me how to ride a bike, everything Dad would have done before he died. Nobody was surprised when all three of us enlisted to help fight the war.

We were trembling with excitement as we joined the long queue of men signing up. We were told that it would all be over before Christmas. The thought of coming home victorious with all the glory was enough to make us enlist. The faces of Mother, little Abigail and my Sarah shining with unspeakable joy was all I thought about. How foolish we were then!

It was almost evening and yet, the sun still flared murderously overhead. My uniform stuck to my skin as buckets of perspiration rolled down my face. I hurt all over from the long hours I had to stand manning my post at the front line. I darted a look sideways. I could tell Eddie was feeling the same way I did. John was having a much-needed rest in the cramped dugout behind us.

Two years had passed since we first signed up. It felt like a lifetime ago. I felt a tap on my shoulder. John looked down at me with his piercing blue eyes. “Time to change over,” he said. His eyes were heavy with fatigue and lines were already appearing on his forehead. I muttered a hoarse “thanks” and disappeared into the cooler, but still stifling heat of the dugout. The swig of water did not help the dry, parched feeling I had in my throat. I lay down onto the mattress and tried to sleep.

However, sleep eluded me. The words “Gas….GAS!” echoed around in my head. The memory of the gas attack replayed itself over and over again in my mind. John, Eddie and I had only just fitted the clumsy helmets in time. Another member of our army was not as lucky as we were. I saw him gasping, stumbling. I could do nothing but look on helplessly as he staggered and choked. He plunged towards me with a glazed look in his eyes. I’d never forget that look. He’d blundered about like a blind man before finally collapsing on the ground, his body frozen in death. I tossed and turned, trying to compose my mind to sleep. I finally did, and dreamt a dream of the dead.

***
We took up our positions as dawn spread her pale fingers across the cloud-shrouded sky. Our division was one of the 13 British divisions to attack the German Second Army at the north of the Somme River. John’s section formed the right of the company while Eddie’s and mine formed the vanguard. We lay flat on the ground after the first bound forward. I caught sight of John and called to him, making a thumbs-up sign with my hand. He answered with a smile. How tall he was! He stood with his head erect and his eyes full of pride. At the sound of the bugle, I saw him running forward, with his bayonet fixed. He soon disappeared in the crowd of soldiers. That was the last time I say my brother alive…

Eddie and I had been fighting side by side. Shells exploded around us incessantly. Towers of mud kept rising and falling. I watched as our comrades fell, one after the other, like dominoes. I saw them flying…flying… I saw corpses blown into trees, hanging there like grotesque puppets. Looks of naked terror were etched on their faces. This was murder in cold blood. We’d come so far. I didn’t know how not to keep going. My legs kept running forward, refusing to stop.

I nearly tripped over a body. The corpse stared at me with its piercing blue eyes – where had I seen that before? And then it dawned on me. John. Indescribable pain gripped my heart. His body was riddled with bullets and lying in a pool of his own blood. A kind of coldness came over me and I discovered that I couldn’t scream or cry. I was ice. Dead. The word struck me cold and brutal.

I thought about John playing with Abigail when she was a baby. Throwing her up in the air and catching her in his arms. He used to do that to me, too. I was never afraid that I would fall. I felt completely secure when I was with him. I remembered his gentle smile, a smile that I’d never forget. He made everything seem alright. I didn’t know what I would have been without him. He reminded me of home, of Mother, of Abby and of Sarah. He reminded me of how happy we were before the war. When we could do anything we wanted to, when we could eat as much as we wanted. Life used to shimmer with hope and happiness. Now I wasn’t sure what life was anymore.

I missed the warmth of my home; the comfortingly normal snow-white table cloth, the feeling of security. Mother always had a light touch when it came to baking. She’d cover the cake with apricot glaze and stud the cake with little pearly balls and glacé cherries. I missed sitting on top of One Tree Hill watching the clouds go by, without a care in the world.

I took John’s hand in mine. It was cold. So cold. I heard Eddie shout my name and grab me by the scruff of my collar. We had to keep moving. I got to my feet shakily. It seemed like a crime, leaving my brother. But there was nothing I could do about it. Eddie and I fought our way through, trying to make it to the wire. The explosions all around us were deafening. So far, we’d been lucky. Apart from a few bruises and cuts on our arms and faces, we were fine.

The world suddenly went silent and I felt myself in the air with Eddie beside me. I tried to push myself up, but then I realised that I couldn’t move my arm. It was bent at a weird angle and my forearm was missing. A searing pain ripped through me. I looked at Eddie. His face was deathly pale and his breathing came in short and ragged gasps. Blood was oozing out of a wound in his stomach. Did I just say that we’d been lucky? How ironic. Then the world was plunged into total darkness.

***
“You gotta cast the line out as far as you can, Will. As far as you can, alright? That’s the only way you can catch any fish,” said John and I was bathed in his gentle smile.

I struggled through a sea of grogginess to open my eyelids. I was in an unfamiliar room lying on white sheets. Eddie was in a bed across mine. I hobbled over and shook his arm gently.

“Hey,” I whispered. Eddie opened his eyes and gave me the ghost of a smile.

“Hey,” he replied. He winced as he tried to laugh. “Remember those battles we had with sticks from the wood? We thought we’d be alright, didn’t we?” He leaned back against the pillows. “You’re strong, Will. You’ll make it. Tell Mother and Jenny that I love them, okay?” Eddie gave my hand a squeeze with as much strength as he could.

“Okay,” I said my voice catching. “I won’t forget you.”

“I know you won’t,” Eddie answered and smiled at me. Then he closed his eyes and I knew that he’d never open them again.



- END -

reading it still makes me cry. *sigh*

ii'm annoyed. ii mean, ii'm freakin online after so long and nobody interesting's online! all ii keep seeing is "Connor is now online" -_-" ii mean, Connor's a dear, but why can't Jadu or Richard get online like now?? Richard says he may be coming to visit in August :D ii so can't wait! he'd better come!

and ii'm doing my english speech. and ii've been searching on the internet for the past half hour on "singaporean tv programmes are lousy" and all ii get is JUNK.

had ballet yesterday (: we did pointe for so long! my feet are still numb *groans*

bye poopheads